I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize