so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
