hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
