So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
