when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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