Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
