I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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