sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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