Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
