non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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