Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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