yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
