I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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