So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
