Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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