We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize