My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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