Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
