Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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