It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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