I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
