Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
