he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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