I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
