Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize