She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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