Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
should my penis look like a turkey
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
