We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
