I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
