Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
