that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
