i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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