We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
