im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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