I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it glows. i had to have it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
