just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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