He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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