I think i peed on brittanys purse
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
