I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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