no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
