You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
