I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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