i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
