okay pat passed out under dana's car
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize
