Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
