having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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