I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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