you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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