i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
soo... how was my night?
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