Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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