She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
