Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
