Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
