what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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