I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
