I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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