It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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