I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
