She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
