i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize