I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
