im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
