I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize