I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize