He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
