you guys were way drunker than both of me
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she peed on how many people?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize