2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
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