so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
