we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
