a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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