if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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