ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
