Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
