Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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