Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
