Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
