Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
