Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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