Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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